


Memorandum

by SIGF



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Anal Sex, Drunk Sex, M/M, Office Party, Office Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex on a Copy Machine, bottom!ferdinand, top!hubert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:47:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25673047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SIGF/pseuds/SIGF
Summary: "And just what do you think you're doing, Von Aegir?" Hubert inquired as he placed his coffee mug on the closest desk, his voice as dry as the barrel-aged whiskey he'd been having his fill of tonight."Why, I am making copies," Ferdinand returned, as if it were rather obvious. Ferdinand then grabbed a piece of paper from the copier tray and handed it to Hubert, the paper still warm as it touched Hubert's hand. "It is a gift… yes, for you."The words were followed by another amused giggle, but Hubert forced his distorted vision to focus on the facsimile before him, lamenting that it couldn't do justice to the fleshy curvature that his hands could still recall the touch of, even if his mind was currently a useless blur.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 36
Kudos: 133





	Memorandum

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rommywommy (rommymena)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rommymena/gifts).



The office holiday party had taken an insufferable turn. Hubert told himself it was because of Caspar's horrible karaoke rendition of " _Born to be Adrestrian_ ," combined with Dorothea's constant squeals of "Edie, you're _so_ cute!"… but he was far too drunk to ignore the primal yearn he was feeling, the source of which was noticeably absent.

Just how long had Von Aegir been missing, and where in the devil had he snuck off to? Not that Hubert cared (… he cared) where that braggadocious windbag had gone - good riddance. And as he poured some more whiskey into his coffee mug, stirring it within his waiting, rich roast (there was a perfectly good coffee machine in the breakroom, was he _not_ supposed to use it?), he soon found himself sauntering off to the far corners of the office, certainly _not_ looking for anyone in particular.

A playful giggle echoed across the row of empty desks, the sound flickering like a florescent light on its last days of life, and Hubert froze. Even with his synapses slowed and sluggish while bloated with far too much whiskey, he'd know that laugh anywhere - not that it had ever been directed at _him_. The sound repeated, like a joyful symphony, but Hubert took no pleasure in it, his hands curling around the ceramic of his mug as if he sought to break it by sheer force.

Just what - or _whom_ \- had put Ferdinand in such a playful mood?

Racking his brain, Hubert tried to recall the scene of the party as he'd left it, attempting to account for everyone's presence to determine who (other than Ferdinand) had been missing, but… all the alcohol was _not_ helping him think. Had someone snuck away with Von Aegir, then, for a little drunken tête-à-tête? Would Hubert turn the corner only to find Von Aegir's tongue shoved down someone's throat, his hand grabbing their cock possessively in the same way that Ferdinand had grabbed _his_ on that day they'd fucked relentlessy on his desk?

His face set in a sneer - perhaps even a snarl - Hubert headed toward the continued giggling, his throat armed with (what would be drunkenly slurred) threats of reporting Von Aegir and his paramour to Human Resources (hypocritical, he knew)… but as he passed the last cubicle and finally found the source of his ire, the only thing to pass from his lips was a hungry groan.

There, sitting on the open copier with his pants pulled down to his ankles and his delectable ass smushing against the copier glass was one Ferdinand von Aegir, his cheeks red with mirth and inebriation, his cock standing proudly.

"Hubert!" he greeted brightly, as if this were just some typical morning chat by the water cooler. "You found me!"

The charge to Hubert's cock was instant, Ferdinand's words so innocently intimate, as if they'd been playing a game of hide-and-seek this entire time - as if Ferdinand were the fly, only longing to be caught by the spider.

"And just what do you think you're doing, Von Aegir?" Hubert inquired as he placed his coffee mug on the closest desk, his voice as dry as the barrel-aged whiskey he'd been having his fill of tonight.

"Why, I am making copies," Ferdinand returned, as if it were rather obvious. Ferdinand then grabbed a piece of paper from the copier tray and handed it to Hubert, the paper still warm as it touched Hubert's hand. "It is a gift… yes, for you."

The words were followed by another amused giggle, but Hubert forced his distorted vision to focus on the facsimile before him, lamenting that it couldn't do justice to the fleshy curvature that his hands could still recall the touch of, even if his mind was currently a useless blur.

"Is this your idea of a joke?" In an attempt to look menacing Hubert glared down at the man before him while standing at his full height, although had he been able to see himself as an outsider, the bulge tenting his pants in that moment made any attempt at moral superiority rather ridiculous.

"This is a fireable offence, you know," Hubert continued, the alcohol merging seven words into five at most as he unintentionally leaned closer to the naked, muscled, thighs well within his purview.

Ferdinand released a feigned gasp as he brought a hand to his mouth, but soon slipped his hand down from his face to reveal a haughty smile, his eyebrows drawn together in mischief.

"Oh, heavens… whatever will I do?" Ferdinand spread his legs further, the cock between them now yearning for attention as it strained with delicate urgency. "Perhaps, then, you should… write me up?"

Had he not been drinking, Hubert would have reminded himself that the mere sight of Ferdinand von Aegir revolted him (or, was supposed to). He _also_ would have reminded himself that there was a party occurring on the other side of the office, and anyone could walk in on them at any time. And he most certainly _wouldn't_ have reached into the nearest cubicle, which happened to be Manuela's, grabbing some far-too-powerfully scented lotion in his need to find viable lubricant.

But in vino veritas, as the saying goes, and the truth within this wine was that if Hubert didn't fuck the smirk right off of Von Aegir's face and _soon_ , his cock would likely shrivel up in protest and turn in its resignation.

Fumbling for his belt, Ferdinand snickered as Hubert disrobed his bottom half, the triumphant notes within his laugh causing Hubert's eyes to pucker as if he'd just sucked on a spoonful of vinegar.

… No matter. He who laughs last, laughs… best? Laughs longest? Was he really too soused to even recall a simple proverb?

Yet as Ferdinand widened his legs once again, his tanned skin causing a gentle _swoosh_ as it rubbed against the glass, proverbs were suddenly the last thing in Hubert's mind.

Oh, _fuck it_.

Slathering himself with lotion until his cock smelled like roses, he tossed the rest of the container carelessly on the ground. Like a homing device to a beacon, Hubert's hands then reached greedily for Ferdinand's thighs, moaning as he realized that even his long fingers couldn't surmount their full circumference. Still, he had enough of a grip to yank Ferdinand upward so that the entrance to his ass was now within full view, and this time, when Ferdinand gasped, it was far from feigned.

Without any further hesitation - because if he waited even another minute, Hubert was going to go mad with need - he shoved his cock into Ferdinand's pliant hole, the combination of ecstasy and alcohol causing his vision to cloud with stars as Ferdinand clenched around his girth.

A resounding, eager moan started to pass from Ferdinand's pert, pink lips, and Hubert pressed his hand against them to cut off the sound.

"Shut up, you fool," he hissed, cognizant enough to realize they shouldn't be attracting undue attention while their coworkers were not all that far away.

But one didn't simply silence Ferdinand von Aegir, and rather than shut up his moans only grew louder, as if emboldened by the silencer… and the hot breaths against Hubert's hand and muffled, mewling moans were almost too much for him to bear. His entire body shuddered with want as he then thrust his hips forward in hungry staccato, not even realizing that his pelvis kept ramming into the "copy" button, or paying much mind to the ensuing light show.

Yet how could he care, or notice, when the pleasure of his cock demanded his full attention, surrounded on all sides by the splendor of Ferdinand von Aegir in a way that Hubert could only envy. And Ferdinand, for his part, only writhed like a willing slut beneath him, trapping Hubert's hips between his muscular thighs - likely able to crush Hubert between them, if only he had wanted to.

… Hubert almost wished that they would.

But instead, Ferdinand's legs locked behind him, pressing him forward to urge him even deeper. As Hubert _graciously_ obliged, Ferdinand then practically screamed against his hand, and Hubert only wished he had two cocks so as to silence Ferdinand more effectively.

… Not that he could possibly endure any more pleasure even if he did, nearly at his limit as it was when his free hand reached for Ferdinand's ass, the cheek of it fitting perfectly within his hand - just as he remembered from all those months ago. But he could tell that Ferdinand was coming close, too, once Ferdinand's hands lifted up, pressing against the lifted copier lid behind him.

"Efficiency was never your strong suit, Von Aegir," Hubert chastised as he waited for his little slut to come, taking pleasure in how the man's cheeks suddenly turned red. "Oh, so _now_ you're feeling shy? Well, I can promise that I'm not, and soon you'll be leaking from how much I plan to fill you."

The wanton huffs against Hubert's hand increased in vigor and desperation, and it wasn't long thereafter that Ferdinand's cock erupted, the spend squirting all over the copier glass.

Ferdinand tried to scream again, forcing Hubert to tighten his hold against his jaw, making him acutely aware of the beautifully chiseled features with his grip. The proportions of a god, and the face to match - all a whimpering mess at Hubert's carnivorous touch. And with a final thrust, Hubert's own spend started to gush forward, the pleasure so great that he had to lean forward and bite down on Ferdinand's tie to dullen his own cries of bliss.

Finally removing his hand from Ferdinand's mouth, the two of them breathed against each other, and Hubert shivered as some errant air settled in his ear. Ferdinand's legs were still wrapped around him, so Hubert made no effort to remove himself, and surely enough - as promised - the displaced come started to pool from Ferdinand's taut rear.

"… Hubert," Ferdinand breathed, the word sounding like a plea, and Hubert wasn't sure whether it was his potent orgasm or the vulnerability in Ferdinand's eyes that sobered him.

"I gave you what you so clearly needed," Hubert noted, but somehow, all the harshness in his voice seemed to evaporate. "What more do you want from me?"

"… All of it."

Hubert closed his eyes, the words making no sense.

"All of _you_."

Was this just the alcohol talking? They… they despised each other, didn't they?

Feeling hopelessly lost, Hubert was even about to ask, when he felt two hands encasing his cheeks, pulling him into an aching kiss. And although they'd fucked twice now, this was the first time that Hubert had ever felt Ferdinand's lips against his - and as he lapped up the sweet taste of Ferdinand like a hungry dog, this time starving for something more than mere sex, Hubert wondered how he could ever be without them again.

* * *

The following Monday, Hubert hurried out of the elevator, greeting Dorothea at reception - who seemed to be looking at him with amused eyes. Self-consciously touching his neck, Hubert cursed internally, wondering if Ferdinand had left a mark with his little lovebite from earlier. 

… Damn it. If he'd been the first here as he usually was, he wouldn't even need to worry about interacting with anyone before holing himself up in his office for the day… but a certain _someone_ had been very, _very_ demanding this morning, and Hubert was nothing if not meticulous.

Passing through the row of cubicles, he could have sworn he heard muffled laughter - and as he glared at Caspar in warning, the fool only looked at him and gave him a thumbs up before returning his attention to a piece of paper that, from a distance, almost looked… familiar.

Soon it seemed like _everyone_ was doing this, and Hubert suddenly had a moment of clarity -

 _Fuck._ The copies. They'd been too drunk, too distracted, to remember to destroy the _copies_!

Hurrying to his office and locking the door behind him, Hubert breathed deeply, trying to calm himself, before noticing something on his desk… an office memorandum.

**Interoffice Memo**

**TO:** All Employees

**FROM:** Human Resources

**CC:** Edelgard von Hresvelg, CEO

**SUBJECT:** Office relations

It has been brought to the attention of the Human Resources department  
that some employees may have been engaging in extracurricular activities  
during the holiday party last Friday.

We must remind you that such _activities/ventures/affairs_ are strictly  
forbidden within the office. If it happens again in the future, corrective  
action will be taken.

Despite his overwhelming embarrassment, Hubert couldn't help but snicker. Ferdinand would surely take this as a challenge - insufferable as he was - and Hubert would simply have no choice but to indulge him.

… And, perhaps more importantly, Hubert wondered where he might be able to procure one of these copies for… well, personal use.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this fic, please check out the [Podfic Version](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26798302) by [AshenUbertdemon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BMS22archive/pseuds/AshenUbertdemon)!!
> 
> Please also check out Scrambles' amazing fanart (warning: NSFW) [right here!!!](https://twitter.com/scramblesart/status/1309913106068328448?s=20) ... [and also here!!!](https://twitter.com/scramblesart/status/1309913438441758720?s=20)
> 
> * * *
> 
> Thank you to ROM for the horny brain worm, and indulging me as I wrote this completely over our DMs. Thank you also to Goop and Sami for giving me ideas on emergency office lube.
> 
> (I also want to write the desk sex that Hubert is alluding to in this fic… maybe someday if people like this!)
> 
> Find me on Twitter: @fancy_plans


End file.
